


Flirting the Salarian Way

by reginliefvalkyrie



Series: Mordin/Shepard [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 06:12:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6554131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reginliefvalkyrie/pseuds/reginliefvalkyrie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard tries to 'flirt' with Mordin the salarian way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Collectors and Flirting

**Author's Note:**

> This is in the first person narration so Shepard can be either male or female. I apologize if at times Shepard seems more like a girl. I am a girl after all. Also, it actually is possible to move your lower eyelids. I had no idea you could.

At first I’d felt a little silly using what little down time I had doing research on salarians, but after a while, it actually started to be fun.

Still, I’d learned a lot and most importantly I’d learned how to seduce Mordin.

Okay, ‘seduce’ wasn’t the right word. It was more like showing interest. I doubt the sexless salarians are possible to seduce, but I’m Commander Shepard and I don’t give up.

Apparently movement of the lower eyelids while making eye contact is suggestive in salarian culture.

That was one step in the right direction. Now the only question was: how the hell do you move your lower eyelids?

Seriously, I wasn’t even aware the lower eyelids could move. Though I suppose for a salarian it isn’t that hard.

This could be a problem.

EDI could help and I could always tell her not to tell anyone on the ship. I couldn’t give a damn if she told the Illusive Man. He’d just think I was getting weirder.

From all the vids I’d watched, I think I’ve got it figured out. There weren’t any showing salarians doing it. Figures. It’s probably some secretly guarded salarian thing. I did have to dig really deep to find it.

All right, I’ve done my research, practice, yes practiced and now I think I’m ready to flirt the salarian way.

I hope.

"Shepard.” Mordin was flipping through his data-pad when I entered. “How can I help you?"

"Have you got a minute to talk?"

"Yes!" Mordin said with some excitement. "Good timing, in fact. Excellent. Made breakthrough."

I moved the muscles in my lower eyelids. Hopefully I didn’t look as silly as I felt. "Really?"

He gave me a confused look for a split second before nodded. “Can share results while next sample grow. Hate waiting for culture analysis. Never fast enough."

"Is anything fast enough for you?" I asked, but he ignored me.

"Usually known result in advance. Just checking work. Have to be careful."

"Of course." I moved my lower eyelids. At least, I think I did. It’s hard to tell sometimes.

Mordin gave me that confused look again, but it was gone as fast as it’d appeared. "Getting off track. Discovery! Based on Prothean-Collector connection, can examine technology, chart Reaper species modification. Fall of Protheans."

"Tell me what happened." I found myself getting curious. I was learning about the Collectors and ‘flirting’ with Mordin…I wondered if that made me like that girl I knew in high school who got her good grades for sleeping with that creepy teacher. Rumor had it your gender didn’t matter, he’d screw anybody.

There was that confused look again. This time it lasted longer and we stood in a few seconds of silence. "Yes.” His voice was hesitant then quickly went back to his fast speech. “Early stages similar to indoctrination. Can guess captured Protheans lost intelligence over several cloned generations. Cybernetic augmentation widespread afterward."

"Cybernetic augmentation?"

Mordin cocked his head slightly. Either I just looked that weird or he was trying to figure out if I was showing interest or hell, for all I knew there was food stuck between my teeth I didn’t know about. "As Protheans failed, Reapers added tech to compensate. Mental capacity almost gone, replaced by over worked sensory input, transfers. Transmitting data to masters."

"Is there anything we can do to help them?" I crossed my arms moving my eyelids. "There has to be something."

"No!” This time my ‘flirting’ went unnoticed. “No glands, replaced by tech. No digestive system, replaced by tech. No soul. Replaced by tech. Whatever they were, gone forever. Understand now?" He started to sound angry and I couldn't tell if it was directed at me or the Reapers. "No art, no culture. Closer to husks than slaves. Tools for Reapers. Protheans dead. Collectors just final insult. Must be destroyed."

It left a bad taste in my mouth. I didn't like the idea of killing anyone who didn't have a choice, who couldn't say 'no'. Blue Suns and Eclipse mercs were different. They agreed to work for either organization, most of the time, I think. But the Collectors? Yes, they were what you'd call evil, but it wasn't by choice. The Reapers had kidnapped them and took away their free will. I didn't like shooting Husks either. There was always a little voice in the back of my mind that wondered if I knew who that Husk use to be.

And here I was trying to flirt with Mordin.

"You said the Collectors had no art." I wanted to change the topic. "I had no idea you cared about that kind of thing. You're a geneticist."

Mordin shrugged. "Personal interest negligible. Sang a little. Multispecies productions for cultural exploration. Gilbert and Sullivan. Always had me do the patter songs. But not about me."

I hid my disappointment. I wanted to know more about Mordin. So, I shamelessly went back to my sad attempted at flirting.

Mordin blinked at me then shrugged. "Cultural artistic expression reflects philosophical evolution, interest in growth, perspective, observation, interpretation. Suspect you won't see any art in Collector base. Culturally dead. Tools for Reapers. Worse than the geth." He shook his head sadly.

Wait a minute. Back up. Had I heard Mordin mention singing in that fast talking mess?

Forget flirting, I needed to hear this!

"I'm sorry." I said. "I know that was important, but." I tried not to smile. "You performed Gilbert and Sullivan?"

I thought for sure he'd try and deny it, but...

"I am the very model of a scientist salarian.  
I’ve studied species turian, asari, and batarian.  
I’m quite good at genetics as a subset of biology  
Because I am an expert which I know is a tautology.  
My xenoscience studies range from urban to agrarian  
I am the very model of a scientist salarian!”

The room went immediately quiet.

Mordin coughed awkwardly.

Was he embarrassed?

I almost clapped. No need to embarrassed him more though. So I simply said. "That was very impressive. I'm almost jealous."

He waved his hand dismissively.

"I'm serious. I can't do anything music related. You should see me dance." I paused. "Never mind, I'd rather you didn't."

Mordin chuckled softly. "Accept the sentiment."

I opened my mouth to speak when Joker’s voice cut in.

“Commander! Can you do something about this spying disembodied voice? I refused to listen to a disembodied voice!”

I sighed. Damnit Joker. Couldn’t he get along with EDI just this once? “I suppose I’ll leave you to your work.” I moved my lower eyelids one more time. “You’ll have to sing for me again.”


	2. Chapter 2

The Tech. Lab doors opened and I stepped in.

Mordin was doing what Mordin did best: Research and typing really fast.

How does he type that fast? He only has three fingers on each hand.

"Shepard, how can I help you?"

I could think of a few things, but a little more flirting was required first.

"Have you got a minute to talk?" I moved my lower eyelids.

"Perhaps later. Trying to determine how scale-itch got onto Normandy, sexually transmitted disease only carried by varren. Implications." He paused. "Unpleasant."

And just like that. The urge to flirt was gone. Wouldn’t be very appropriate right now anyway.

I stared at him. "Varren?"

"Yes."

"The weird dog like things krogons have?"

"Correct."

"And this 'scale-itch' is only passed through sex?"

"I believe I said that already."

"Can't be blood?"

"No."

"W..what about accidently handling whatever varren." I tried to think of a word. "Secret during sex?"

Mordin stopped typing and looked to me. "Why is someone handling varren sexual fluid?" He sounded serious and spoke slowly, which is never good.

"I don't know. It sounds less disturbing than what you're suggesting."

He thought for a moment. "Only slightly."

I'm sure I made a repulsed expression. "Do I need to worry about this? Any of the crew members in danger of contracting this?"

"No current crew members. However, scale-itch doesn't need to spread."

“But it only spreads through sex.”

“Third time, yes.”

Then there wasn’t any real need to worry. Wait, we haven’t been anywhere near Tuchanca. Had we had any varren run ins that didn’t have us killing them?

"What's scale-itch like anyway?"

Mordin thought trying to think of something to compare it to. "Genital warts." He nodded. "That is the closest thing to human recognition."

I went slack jawed.

"Scale-itch treatable though."

"Oh, well, that's good, I suppose, for the varren." And who ever it was that apparently had a varren fetish. I tried to put the implicational thoughts out of my mind. "Anyway, if you find out who brought it aboard, please tell me."

I don't care what my crew does in their spare time, but when someone brings something with them, potentially dangerous or otherwise, aboard, I'm not happy. We don't need any kind of virus or disease spreading through the Normandy. Mordin could play with his flesh-eating viruses because I trusted him to handle them properly. He was a doctor.

"Can't do that, Shepard." Mordin shook his head. "Doctor-Patient confidentiality."

I wasn't really sure if that applied here, but...

"Fine, but if you approach them, let them know I'm not pleased."

"Can't find source if keep getting interrupted."

A.K.A. leave

I was about to do just that when I thought came to me. I turned back around to face Mordin (who was already engrossed in his work again). I narrowed my eyes looking him over. "You don't have scales, do you?"

He stopped in mid motion and raised his head to meet my gaze. "Either way, doesn't matter." I swear he smirked at me. "Low sex drive. No risk."

"Right." I spoke slowly.

That was a good thing in a roundabout way. Low sex drive meant he wasn't promiscuous. Low sex drive meant I didn't have to worry about a romantic rival, but it also means Mordin wasn't into me either.

Now I really didn’t feel like flirting any more.

Wait a minute. This conversation was a bit too convenient.

Had Mordin…?

I shook my head leaving the Tech. Lab. He wasn’t that passive aggressive…was he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it was Kelly Chambers. She's very...open minded.


End file.
